My classes started a few weeks ago and I’m already worried about not getting things done. I have to keep in my mind that I need good grades to go to UCB, but I feel very overwhelmed and afraid to get a C. I’m tanking five classes in this fall, 15 units, two campuses, and a lot of new experiences. I spend my mornings from Monday to Thursday at Berkeley City College, and my afternoons from Monday to Wednesday at Laney College. It’s not just it! I also have classes Saturday morning at BCC. Adding this to the minimum social life I’m trying to have, plus 20 hours of weekly work, I wonder where is the time to study for those classes. This will be so far the hardest semester ever here in the USA.
My week starts with Pre Calculus with Mrs. Elizabeth, a teacher who came from France, and I’m already not sure if she’s good or not. Mrs. Elizabeth arrives almost every time a few minutes late, and she seems to come straight from the street, not having time to go to her office to get the class’s name list. Her way of teaching is a little confuse because she always commits little mistakes in basic stuff. Last class I was wondering with she really knows what she’s doing. I also feel that the rest of the students think the same about her. There is a nice girl who sits beside me and always leaves the class mad with the teacher.
After eat a sandwich that I brought from home, I’m ready for my Perspective, Shades, and Shadows class, or just E/AT 35, at Laney. This is so far the scariest class of this semester. The teacher is really nice, but I was so lost in that class for the first couple of weeks. I should take another drawing class before starts this one, but since I did a fast, intense, little, course in Brazil about drawing, I said to myself (and to the counseling) that I knew what I was doing. For now, I can say that it’s getting better, but I still have a lot to learn. Mr. Simon, the teacher, is really making me comfortable to try it. He’s calm, always likeable, and patience with his students. I met this nice guy whom his name I still can’t pronounce (I know, it’s a shame) and he helped me a lot during the first classes when I looked like a lost kid in a crowed place or something like that.
On Tuesdays, it’s time for my English 1A class, the first English class I’m taking with Americans. Actually, this class seems a lot like the Writing class I was taking last semester, the difference is a few students who are really Americans, and the teacher, who isn’t so nice like the last one. The teacher, Mr. Sommer, is a cute young guy who tries to be really tough. I didn’t have a good impression of him on the first day of class because he arrived already demanding people who didn’t enroll to the class leave immediately, exactly like that, with no good morning, no hi, no anything. The class is going “ok” for now, but I gave my first essay to an American girl to take a look and we founded out a lot of grammar errors, so I can’t tell how I’ll be doing yet.
I also enrolled to this class called Introduction to Professional Design, once a week every Tuesday’s afternoon, and so far I didn’t like it. I was really excited about this class on the beginning because I though I would learn a lot, but so far the teacher, Mrs. Eleene, just ask us to ready a book with very very very basic stuff and spent the class summarizing it. It’s really hard to focus in this class. Am I too advanced to this class? I don’t think so, but I can tell already the class is really boring.
The last class is Geometry, every Saturday morning from 9 to 12. The teacher, Mrs. Mary, is really nice, and I’m learning basic stuff too, but I like it because I loved my geometry classes in Brazil. The class is all mixed up with all kind of different students; old women, teenagers, etc. nobody is really in the mood to socialize in a Saturday morning during a math class, so I didn’t meet anybody yet. The fact that it’s on Saturday morning is turning my head 360ยบ. It doesn’t feel like Saturday at all, I feel like my Saturdays are now my Fridays, and when I realize it’s already Sunday, and I feel like I didn’t have time to study at all.
Since I’m still addicted to work out, I’m going to the gym five times a week, every morning, most of the time before class. I also go on Fridays, and since I’m close to college, I go there just to study by myself. I still have a problem to study at home, with the dogs, the cleaning, the distractions, work, and Dennis.
Talking about Dennis, he’s ok, I think. I feel we’re not so “together” anymore because of the little time I spend at home now and also another things. He cooks almost every evening waiting for me to have dinner together. It’s cute. His work seems the same for me, but now he’s also helping me with my EBay stuff, selecting photos and sometimes even shipping things out.
I decided do not pay much attention to my social life this semester, but I just can’t. I mean, I think I’m doing fine and more concentrated in studying more than socializing, but I feel that this is not enough. I’m building a nice social life with some guys from Berkeley, and I’m changing the gym to see if I can work out with more interesting people. But I still have in my mind that this will be my hardest semester and I will not fail.
If I survive this moment of my life, I’ll come back to write more.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Friday, August 13, 2010
SUMMER TRIP – DAY ONE
My vacation didn’t started as perfect as I planned! After Dennis dropped me off at the San Francisco airport, my flight to Washington got delay for more than one hour and a half. I was so nervous because I wouldn’t have time to take my connection to Connecticut. With help from one of the ladies at the United balcony, I changed my seat so I could be the first one to leave the plane and run to the next gate just in time to board. During the flight, I relaxed sure that I would make it; I watched a movie (Mary & Max, animation, really cute) and listened some music. Suddenly I realized that my next flight was about to take off and until that moment the pilot didn’t say anything about landing. I asked the flight attendance what was going on and she say we would probably be landing in the next 45 minutes. 45 minutes!? I freaked out at the plane, and anybody couldn’t do anything for me. I didn’t have a choice but wait until the plane touched the ground.
I run off the plane as soon as the door opened and received the notice that even if I made it on time (which I didn’t) my flight was canceled because of the weather. I saw that I was booked for the next day at 12:20pm and immediately got so piss off. It was around 11:45pm and I decide to stand in line at the United customer services for almost two hours just to hear a very rude lady called Betty, from United Airlines, that they couldn’t do nothing else for me. Gosh I never saw somebody be so rude with customers in my life. She was in line saying that everybody should find a hotel and deal with it; United would never pay for it because it wasn’t their fold. Seriously, she scared off at least 40 people to flight with United Airlines again. I am one of them. I got so tired of that bitch doing such a bad job, scaring off people from the line, that I left the line and called Dennis, asked him to find a hotel room for me online while I call Kate to give the bad news.
I called Kate and let her know that I wouldn’t be in Hartford Airport, Connecticut, tonight and she had to pick me up tomorrow, and I was stuck in Washington for the night. I think she was ok with that. I was really embarrassed about that because I’m staying in her house and I know she’s a very busy woman. Dennis found me a room at Marriot, pretty close to the airport, and I took a cab until there. I finally shake the stress out with a good long bath shower and watched TV until I finally slept. I woke up just in time, took another bath, and leave the hotel back to the airport. I checked in and board a little unhappy because I still had to do that last flight with United Airlines. The airplane left even a little earlier and I was desperate to arrive in Hartford Airport and have a really cold beer while I wait for Kate. I put a DVD in my computer and started watching Sex in the City; Dennis and I decided to start watching from the beginning. After a little less than one hour flying, I noticed everybody looking behind, so I took out my headphones and everybody was asking if there were any doctor on board.
There were this woman all shaking a few chairs behind me. She started having a seizure and it took about ten minutes for her recovered back to normal. Suddenly the pilot announced that we’re landing in the next 15 minutes, I though, “I think we had more 45 minutes of flight…” and he finish saying that we‘re landing at Philadelphia Airport, in am emergency, for the women who just had a seizure. I laugh, all loud. I didn’t believe it was happening with me. We stayed on ground for approximate one and a half hour. The women left the plane and the cleaning company came to clean the chair, and we stayed awaiting permission from the tower to leave the ground. When I though the thinks couldn’t get worse, when we was about to fly another plane from stupid United Airlines had to make an emergency landing in front of us because of some mechanical problems. I promised god never fly with United Airlines again.
I arrived really tired at Kate’s house, took a shower, a nap, called Dennis and relaxed for a few hours until time to meet her friends. Kate’s house is this old condo from hundreds of years ago; it’s a very cute neighborhood full of historic “New England” houses. Kate’s friends, which I didn’t memorize their names yet, are really funny and crazy, but they all seem to be nice people. We went to a club downtown New Haven and had a good time dancing and talking. I enjoy it more than I expect because I kind of didn’t like the music at all. During the night we planned to go to Manhattan Saturday to spend the day, and we all decided to go together.
In one of my times in the restroom, I saw something that reminded me the old times at the parties in Rio: two guys leaving the cabin really high while three others go inside. I would love to be invited but I decided to keep myself invisible and pretend don’t see it; it’s my vacation in my friend’s house and I didn’t want screw my Saturday sleeping the whole day after a night full of drugs. I didn’t want to go back to it at least that in that moment.
We arrived home around three and I slept like a rock until 9:30am.
I run off the plane as soon as the door opened and received the notice that even if I made it on time (which I didn’t) my flight was canceled because of the weather. I saw that I was booked for the next day at 12:20pm and immediately got so piss off. It was around 11:45pm and I decide to stand in line at the United customer services for almost two hours just to hear a very rude lady called Betty, from United Airlines, that they couldn’t do nothing else for me. Gosh I never saw somebody be so rude with customers in my life. She was in line saying that everybody should find a hotel and deal with it; United would never pay for it because it wasn’t their fold. Seriously, she scared off at least 40 people to flight with United Airlines again. I am one of them. I got so tired of that bitch doing such a bad job, scaring off people from the line, that I left the line and called Dennis, asked him to find a hotel room for me online while I call Kate to give the bad news.
I called Kate and let her know that I wouldn’t be in Hartford Airport, Connecticut, tonight and she had to pick me up tomorrow, and I was stuck in Washington for the night. I think she was ok with that. I was really embarrassed about that because I’m staying in her house and I know she’s a very busy woman. Dennis found me a room at Marriot, pretty close to the airport, and I took a cab until there. I finally shake the stress out with a good long bath shower and watched TV until I finally slept. I woke up just in time, took another bath, and leave the hotel back to the airport. I checked in and board a little unhappy because I still had to do that last flight with United Airlines. The airplane left even a little earlier and I was desperate to arrive in Hartford Airport and have a really cold beer while I wait for Kate. I put a DVD in my computer and started watching Sex in the City; Dennis and I decided to start watching from the beginning. After a little less than one hour flying, I noticed everybody looking behind, so I took out my headphones and everybody was asking if there were any doctor on board.
There were this woman all shaking a few chairs behind me. She started having a seizure and it took about ten minutes for her recovered back to normal. Suddenly the pilot announced that we’re landing in the next 15 minutes, I though, “I think we had more 45 minutes of flight…” and he finish saying that we‘re landing at Philadelphia Airport, in am emergency, for the women who just had a seizure. I laugh, all loud. I didn’t believe it was happening with me. We stayed on ground for approximate one and a half hour. The women left the plane and the cleaning company came to clean the chair, and we stayed awaiting permission from the tower to leave the ground. When I though the thinks couldn’t get worse, when we was about to fly another plane from stupid United Airlines had to make an emergency landing in front of us because of some mechanical problems. I promised god never fly with United Airlines again.
I arrived really tired at Kate’s house, took a shower, a nap, called Dennis and relaxed for a few hours until time to meet her friends. Kate’s house is this old condo from hundreds of years ago; it’s a very cute neighborhood full of historic “New England” houses. Kate’s friends, which I didn’t memorize their names yet, are really funny and crazy, but they all seem to be nice people. We went to a club downtown New Haven and had a good time dancing and talking. I enjoy it more than I expect because I kind of didn’t like the music at all. During the night we planned to go to Manhattan Saturday to spend the day, and we all decided to go together.
In one of my times in the restroom, I saw something that reminded me the old times at the parties in Rio: two guys leaving the cabin really high while three others go inside. I would love to be invited but I decided to keep myself invisible and pretend don’t see it; it’s my vacation in my friend’s house and I didn’t want screw my Saturday sleeping the whole day after a night full of drugs. I didn’t want to go back to it at least that in that moment.
We arrived home around three and I slept like a rock until 9:30am.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
It has been 3 weeks since Crea passed away in our arms at the backyard. It was a Tuesday night when she got so bad that Dennis and I decided to call the vet to put her to sleep. The vet came and saw that there was the moment we’re so afraid of. It was a very particular moment and very beautiful… it was definitely sad, but we knew we’re doing the right thing ending the suffering of our dog that we love so much. Our life is getting to the “normal” but we’ll always look her pictures around the house and miss her. We gave her food to her mom Clowe, across the street, and threw away her favorite blanket. The puppies still have her bed but we decide do not give her favorite thing to them. I put her favorite toy on my desk, and I’m not allowing the other puppies play with it. I like to have it there, makes me think about her when she was happy and healthy playing around. Dennis got really depressed and sick after Crea’s death but he seems getting better. We cried a lot, but he stayed in bed for a few days. He got her axes from the vet Friday and we planned to spread in the backyard this weekend but I couldn’t do it. I’m still not ready for it. I touched that wood box and felt her energy around… like, for a moment, I could feel her walking around the house again. I’m not ready to open it and let it go, so now the box is under her beautiful picture in our bedroom.
With the life coming back to normal, we’re returning to our routine. College is going good, just miss one week to end the summer class and I’m so ready for it! This class turned really hard for me and made me afraid of the next classes coming on fall. Next semester I’ll be taking 5 classes plus work. I have no idea if I’ll be able to handle this. This time I’ll need Dennis support more than never.
I’m meeting new people around the city, really nice ones. I meet this guy Brandon who lived in Rio for a while and we actually had a nice talk in Portuguese. I feel really comfortable around him; he seems to be a really nice guy. It’s too earlier to know if I’m making a friend or not, that’s my problem in country; I could considered Brandon my friend if we’re in Brazil, but her, it takes a while. I’ve been in contact with people from last semester too. Some weeks ago Daniel, from geography class, invited me to do yoga with him in a club in Berkeley. I really had a good time and I’m looking forward to do it again.
With the life coming back to normal, we’re returning to our routine. College is going good, just miss one week to end the summer class and I’m so ready for it! This class turned really hard for me and made me afraid of the next classes coming on fall. Next semester I’ll be taking 5 classes plus work. I have no idea if I’ll be able to handle this. This time I’ll need Dennis support more than never.
I’m meeting new people around the city, really nice ones. I meet this guy Brandon who lived in Rio for a while and we actually had a nice talk in Portuguese. I feel really comfortable around him; he seems to be a really nice guy. It’s too earlier to know if I’m making a friend or not, that’s my problem in country; I could considered Brandon my friend if we’re in Brazil, but her, it takes a while. I’ve been in contact with people from last semester too. Some weeks ago Daniel, from geography class, invited me to do yoga with him in a club in Berkeley. I really had a good time and I’m looking forward to do it again.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Between Homeworks and Seizures....
Now I’m feeling busy and very stressed with college, and very sad about our oldest dog Crea, a 12 years old beagle. I just reached the “freezing point” where I can’t do more math problems or think about any problems for today. I admire that kind of people who is able to study “non-stop” for hours and hours… I can’t do that, especially with a sick dog that I love walking sadly around me. My three weeks vacation already passed by and I didn't come back here as I promised to myself. Sorry, I was too busy doing nothing except printing floor plans out of the internet and creating a bender of “future architecture projects,” letting my imagination carrying my focus away to a life too impossible to be experienced in this incarnation. I actually did funny stuff too; I went to the Golden Gate Park with Amanda and we spend a day walking around, I had my fist Manhattan drink, and I went to the SFMOMA by myself to see some exposition. Dennis and I did that travel to Monterrey for a day only, very nice, very simple, very fast. Now it’s time to the reality: Algebra summer classes are too much for a regular human being!
First of all, my book cost $120 dollars used! But them I found another one for $45 on EBay and bought it too, so now I can return the expensive one back to the college’s book store. I have this crazy (in a funny way) Asian teacher called dr. Rick Wing teaching Intermediate Algebra this summer. He is insanely intelligent and extremely fast. Dr. Wing is a very good teacher but we must have to be into what he’s saying and be careful to not step behind his class. I have a test about chapter two of our book tomorrow, and he, believe or not, is already teaching chapter four! I’m not enjoying the way that he has to manage his agenda of tests and I feel that I’m not the only one in class thinking like this. So, today I really felt what an 18 weeks-class compressed in 6 feels like. During the class he asked the class to resolve a few equation of chapter 3.6 and I was doing great until got stuck at the last equation. I decided to erase the whole equation and start over… I resolved it after 5 to 10 minutes trying, but when I looked back to him he was already talking about chapter 4.1! What a hell!? I don’t have time even to think what I’m doing. So now I have homework forever and I’m totally blocked in chapter 3.6. I’ll probably need tutoring tomorrow, since we don’t have time to manage all our doubts in class. Intermediate algebra isn’t that difficult, and the teacher is good… the problem is how fast a math class can be during the summer and the amount of time consumed by the homework. I will think twice before enroll to another math class next summer.
Besides my math problems I have Crea going really bad day by day. After her amazing seizure a couple of months ago, when Dennis and I woke up at 4am with her shaking on the floor, we took her to the vet and she started taking this medicine extremely heavy to stop the seizures, and making her sleep a lot and also a little crazy and very dizzy. Anyway, it stopped the seizures but transformed Crea in a sad looking dog, always sad, slowly, crying and walking with no direction. A few days ago she had another serious seizure that caused more damage in her brain and now she’s worse than never; she got a little blind, and at some moments she seems to be completely blind and start crying. She walks so slowly and powerless and sometimes she can’t support herself and stops, crying. She’s having those “little seizures” and the vet said that it can’t be controlled, and every time she has it, it may cause a little more damage in her brain. I’m seeing her having 5 or 6 a day! She keeping falling in the pond almost daily, she seem lost her memory for a minute or two and forgets where she is. So we can’t let her outside by herself anymore afraid of time when she falls in the deepest area on the pond and can’t swim back to the margin. We can’t let her by herself inside home either because she puppy and pee all over the floor if we don’t command her to go outside. Crea used to be such a happy dog, active, barker, happier, and beautiful. Now it’s even hard to remember those times since the trouble started. Sometimes its difficult to imagine that just passed a few months, because those months with her are being so intense… so sad.
Dennis and I know that brain damage is irreversible, and we know she wont get better… Dennis is having a really bad time with this situation either, more than me of course, because he raised Crea all her life and I just arrive a couple of years ago. I still have hope inside of me and believe that she will at least stop suffering and live the rest of her life quiet and calm, but this idea is fading more and more every day. We already talked about the possibility of putting her to sleep, but something inside me still refuse to think about this possibility. I don’t think I will have courage to take this decision. Dennis has to do it.
So I’m getting sleep now, tomorrow will be a busy day (like the last ones) so it’s better I go to the bed.
First of all, my book cost $120 dollars used! But them I found another one for $45 on EBay and bought it too, so now I can return the expensive one back to the college’s book store. I have this crazy (in a funny way) Asian teacher called dr. Rick Wing teaching Intermediate Algebra this summer. He is insanely intelligent and extremely fast. Dr. Wing is a very good teacher but we must have to be into what he’s saying and be careful to not step behind his class. I have a test about chapter two of our book tomorrow, and he, believe or not, is already teaching chapter four! I’m not enjoying the way that he has to manage his agenda of tests and I feel that I’m not the only one in class thinking like this. So, today I really felt what an 18 weeks-class compressed in 6 feels like. During the class he asked the class to resolve a few equation of chapter 3.6 and I was doing great until got stuck at the last equation. I decided to erase the whole equation and start over… I resolved it after 5 to 10 minutes trying, but when I looked back to him he was already talking about chapter 4.1! What a hell!? I don’t have time even to think what I’m doing. So now I have homework forever and I’m totally blocked in chapter 3.6. I’ll probably need tutoring tomorrow, since we don’t have time to manage all our doubts in class. Intermediate algebra isn’t that difficult, and the teacher is good… the problem is how fast a math class can be during the summer and the amount of time consumed by the homework. I will think twice before enroll to another math class next summer.
Besides my math problems I have Crea going really bad day by day. After her amazing seizure a couple of months ago, when Dennis and I woke up at 4am with her shaking on the floor, we took her to the vet and she started taking this medicine extremely heavy to stop the seizures, and making her sleep a lot and also a little crazy and very dizzy. Anyway, it stopped the seizures but transformed Crea in a sad looking dog, always sad, slowly, crying and walking with no direction. A few days ago she had another serious seizure that caused more damage in her brain and now she’s worse than never; she got a little blind, and at some moments she seems to be completely blind and start crying. She walks so slowly and powerless and sometimes she can’t support herself and stops, crying. She’s having those “little seizures” and the vet said that it can’t be controlled, and every time she has it, it may cause a little more damage in her brain. I’m seeing her having 5 or 6 a day! She keeping falling in the pond almost daily, she seem lost her memory for a minute or two and forgets where she is. So we can’t let her outside by herself anymore afraid of time when she falls in the deepest area on the pond and can’t swim back to the margin. We can’t let her by herself inside home either because she puppy and pee all over the floor if we don’t command her to go outside. Crea used to be such a happy dog, active, barker, happier, and beautiful. Now it’s even hard to remember those times since the trouble started. Sometimes its difficult to imagine that just passed a few months, because those months with her are being so intense… so sad.
Dennis and I know that brain damage is irreversible, and we know she wont get better… Dennis is having a really bad time with this situation either, more than me of course, because he raised Crea all her life and I just arrive a couple of years ago. I still have hope inside of me and believe that she will at least stop suffering and live the rest of her life quiet and calm, but this idea is fading more and more every day. We already talked about the possibility of putting her to sleep, but something inside me still refuse to think about this possibility. I don’t think I will have courage to take this decision. Dennis has to do it.
So I’m getting sleep now, tomorrow will be a busy day (like the last ones) so it’s better I go to the bed.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Semester is over!
This is just a fast posted to express how happy I am with the end of the school semester, even the teachers not releasing the final grades yet. Now it's time to invest my time in my house and my love again.
I started this semester no so good in grades as I should be if I want to transfer to UC Berkeley some day. My first tests were pretty bad because I think I didn't got into the "college responsibilities" on time. Because of that, I had to work really hard to end this semester with a better final grade. For example, in my first test in Algebra I got a D, after that in all my three latest tests I got an A. Believe, it wasn't easy at all to manage four classes plus work and plus life.. However, in Art History I though I would have to work my ass off to follow the class, but at the end I really think it was easy and enjoyable, and I'm absolute sure I'm finishing this semester with an A in arts. My friend Deia also helped me a lot without knowing it; she did incentive me to study just being such a good and smart classmate. She is so dedicated in studying that I decide to follow her. Too bad Writing 6 (which I got an A) probably will be the last class we took together.
I happy to have Dennis helping in his way; he understood that I had to put the College in from of everything during the past months. I just have to thanks him for it because he never complained about me using all of my free time to study and letting him in second plan. He always says that he fells a little guilt because of the fact that I never finished college in Rio. The last past three years we had been working in our long distance relationship a lot trying to finally have a Visa to live together, and every year "I am sure that I was going to United States next semester..." so why to be worry about College? Why sign in to next semester? My life became pretty much on hold during those years. I can't let him be so guilt by himself because his life was on hold as well. That's why I try do not complain about many this I don't think is right in out personal and professional life, such as the money problem we have. I'm glad we have this understanding clearly in our lives.
Now that the semester is over, its time to enjoy the summer, which will be sorter because of the summer class I'll take. I running out of time here, so I decided to always take a summer class between the semesters. This summer will be the second level of Algebra. I'll take just one class, but it will consume my whole mornings from Monday to Thursdays, plus numerously homework's and, of course, work! So, I'll enjoy couple of weeks I have off school to go hang out in San Francisco more (maybe to go to the museums and spend an afternoon at the Golden Gate Park), maybe also to do a fast travel with Dennis, and also to work on the backyard. I miss a lot to do those things. Dennis is planning to take me to Monterrey for a day off office, the grass along the front yard is almost a half of my size, and I need to help Dennis training Kika and Sparky, two new puppies we have now (I know, I know, it's insane we now having three dogs at home).
So, this is my fast post in My Porn Love. Now I have to start reading my summer book "Maturity", from Osho, and wait for this rain stops so I can go home.
I started this semester no so good in grades as I should be if I want to transfer to UC Berkeley some day. My first tests were pretty bad because I think I didn't got into the "college responsibilities" on time. Because of that, I had to work really hard to end this semester with a better final grade. For example, in my first test in Algebra I got a D, after that in all my three latest tests I got an A. Believe, it wasn't easy at all to manage four classes plus work and plus life.. However, in Art History I though I would have to work my ass off to follow the class, but at the end I really think it was easy and enjoyable, and I'm absolute sure I'm finishing this semester with an A in arts. My friend Deia also helped me a lot without knowing it; she did incentive me to study just being such a good and smart classmate. She is so dedicated in studying that I decide to follow her. Too bad Writing 6 (which I got an A) probably will be the last class we took together.
I happy to have Dennis helping in his way; he understood that I had to put the College in from of everything during the past months. I just have to thanks him for it because he never complained about me using all of my free time to study and letting him in second plan. He always says that he fells a little guilt because of the fact that I never finished college in Rio. The last past three years we had been working in our long distance relationship a lot trying to finally have a Visa to live together, and every year "I am sure that I was going to United States next semester..." so why to be worry about College? Why sign in to next semester? My life became pretty much on hold during those years. I can't let him be so guilt by himself because his life was on hold as well. That's why I try do not complain about many this I don't think is right in out personal and professional life, such as the money problem we have. I'm glad we have this understanding clearly in our lives.
Now that the semester is over, its time to enjoy the summer, which will be sorter because of the summer class I'll take. I running out of time here, so I decided to always take a summer class between the semesters. This summer will be the second level of Algebra. I'll take just one class, but it will consume my whole mornings from Monday to Thursdays, plus numerously homework's and, of course, work! So, I'll enjoy couple of weeks I have off school to go hang out in San Francisco more (maybe to go to the museums and spend an afternoon at the Golden Gate Park), maybe also to do a fast travel with Dennis, and also to work on the backyard. I miss a lot to do those things. Dennis is planning to take me to Monterrey for a day off office, the grass along the front yard is almost a half of my size, and I need to help Dennis training Kika and Sparky, two new puppies we have now (I know, I know, it's insane we now having three dogs at home).
So, this is my fast post in My Porn Love. Now I have to start reading my summer book "Maturity", from Osho, and wait for this rain stops so I can go home.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
How My Rommance Survived for the Last Three Years.
We aren’t waiting for all this water coming from the sky a couple of days ago. Dennis and I forgot the on the deck uncovered during all raining night. I also realized that I never bought an umbrella here. With this rain, nothing better than be inside working all day… what a hell am I saying? I spent all day desiring go to the bed and eat everything I can while watching South Park on the TV. I worked all day, but first I went to the gym. Going to the gym is making me feel better because sometimes I get tired too early and also makes me feel more attractive. Am I with a nice body? Not anymore since I just ate a full package of cookies after work before I start writing this. I sited down here in the office organizing my things for tomorrow. Backpack ready and felling myself terrible after that package of cookies. I can’t believe I did it after lost 3 pounds at the gym last week. I need to stop thinking that after a good work out day I deserve crap food like Jack In The Box or chocolate. The problem is that in this country the fast food is just delicious! Sometimes I can’t resist that.
I work for Dennis’s company called Athletic Model Guild; The Athletic Model Guild, or AMG, was founded by gay pornographer pioneer Bob Mizer in December 1945 her in this country. Mizer began his business by taking pictures of men that he knew, both gay and straight. His subjects would often pose for pictures, which, while ostensibly meant to illustrate fitness tips and the like, were clearly produced and published as homoerotic material. He died in the 90s and Dennis bought the company with its statement in 1994, and start make money coping of those old vintage films in DVD and also publishing Bob Mizer’s photos and history. The Athletic Model Guild also makes gay movies made in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. I started this brand as a way to stay closer to Dennis until I finally get my visa to come here, which took three years. I not a porn star but just somebody who takes care of financial stuff and eBay selling’s. I reconcile accounts, add numbers on the system, take care of some invoices and payments, and also sell old nude photographs on Ebay. I don’t make much money because it’s a very small company and Dennis can’t afford so much. I’m considering myself as an office manager and accounting assistant. The company is in our basement and we work all day at home. It’s nice to work at home sometimes.
This company is responsible for my relationship with Dennis for last years. When Dennis and I felt in love in that Saturday, February 25, 2006, I knew it would be just one more broken heart. He was living in the U.S going to Brazil two times a year and me, a simple young Brazilian, living in Rio de Janeiro waiting for him… it would never work. I just ignored my feeling for while even knowing that Dennis felt the same for me. After that date, we talked on the phone every single night until I finally move here almost two years ago in 2008. He went back to Brazil four months later and there I was, waiting for him. I couldn’t believe myself doing such thing. I found out about the company later, and also the fact that Dennis always dreamed making adult movies there in Brazil. I start suddenly having a great idea to keep us together.
So, when I knew what he did like to make movies in Brazil, I decided to make it happens. I knew some body that worked in straight adult movies and had him to meet Dennis one day. They talked about it and decided to make those movies that Dennis wanted. That was great! But a little less than one year later this whole idea went out of control, the productions wasn’t that good and this guy that I found was overcharging us. Dennis knew that if he had to pay all that money for production, he couldn’t be able to do more than two movies a year in Brazil. My goal was in risk, the only reason I was being part of this was because I wanted Dennis closer. Dennis decided laid off the guy and I had no other choice then study hard this area, find locations, models, going though some negotiations, finding equipments, and also did payments, work sheets and everything I could do for him to spend more time there. As I didn’t charge more that I need, Dennis saved so much money to fly back to Brazil every two months almost. And that’s how we kept our love.
During those three years trying to get a Visa to come to the U.S, our relationship was surviving by porn movies productions. Funny? Hot? No!!! I couldn’t stand anymore. I never really liked to do this work since was difficult and sometimes dangerous. To work with those kind of people request a lot of patience and there are many guys trying to get a vantage on the “rich American”. I felt so disturbed sometimes that, last production, I said to Dennis that I want to quit. I could see in his eyes how sad he turned, but I did all that only because of the fact that I want to be with him. And now I’m here, in the USA, living every single minute with him. I don’t need to hurt myself doing something that I really don’t feel comfortable doing. I told him that I’ll still be there for him and for everything he needs, and also I’ll try to find somebody to replace me. He knows that nobody will do this work with the same responsibility I did because it was my way to be able to love him. Dennis and I had some very hard times doing that. But I never regretted. I did it for him, for us. Here we are again together, in love, and happy.
I work for Dennis’s company called Athletic Model Guild; The Athletic Model Guild, or AMG, was founded by gay pornographer pioneer Bob Mizer in December 1945 her in this country. Mizer began his business by taking pictures of men that he knew, both gay and straight. His subjects would often pose for pictures, which, while ostensibly meant to illustrate fitness tips and the like, were clearly produced and published as homoerotic material. He died in the 90s and Dennis bought the company with its statement in 1994, and start make money coping of those old vintage films in DVD and also publishing Bob Mizer’s photos and history. The Athletic Model Guild also makes gay movies made in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. I started this brand as a way to stay closer to Dennis until I finally get my visa to come here, which took three years. I not a porn star but just somebody who takes care of financial stuff and eBay selling’s. I reconcile accounts, add numbers on the system, take care of some invoices and payments, and also sell old nude photographs on Ebay. I don’t make much money because it’s a very small company and Dennis can’t afford so much. I’m considering myself as an office manager and accounting assistant. The company is in our basement and we work all day at home. It’s nice to work at home sometimes.
This company is responsible for my relationship with Dennis for last years. When Dennis and I felt in love in that Saturday, February 25, 2006, I knew it would be just one more broken heart. He was living in the U.S going to Brazil two times a year and me, a simple young Brazilian, living in Rio de Janeiro waiting for him… it would never work. I just ignored my feeling for while even knowing that Dennis felt the same for me. After that date, we talked on the phone every single night until I finally move here almost two years ago in 2008. He went back to Brazil four months later and there I was, waiting for him. I couldn’t believe myself doing such thing. I found out about the company later, and also the fact that Dennis always dreamed making adult movies there in Brazil. I start suddenly having a great idea to keep us together.
So, when I knew what he did like to make movies in Brazil, I decided to make it happens. I knew some body that worked in straight adult movies and had him to meet Dennis one day. They talked about it and decided to make those movies that Dennis wanted. That was great! But a little less than one year later this whole idea went out of control, the productions wasn’t that good and this guy that I found was overcharging us. Dennis knew that if he had to pay all that money for production, he couldn’t be able to do more than two movies a year in Brazil. My goal was in risk, the only reason I was being part of this was because I wanted Dennis closer. Dennis decided laid off the guy and I had no other choice then study hard this area, find locations, models, going though some negotiations, finding equipments, and also did payments, work sheets and everything I could do for him to spend more time there. As I didn’t charge more that I need, Dennis saved so much money to fly back to Brazil every two months almost. And that’s how we kept our love.
During those three years trying to get a Visa to come to the U.S, our relationship was surviving by porn movies productions. Funny? Hot? No!!! I couldn’t stand anymore. I never really liked to do this work since was difficult and sometimes dangerous. To work with those kind of people request a lot of patience and there are many guys trying to get a vantage on the “rich American”. I felt so disturbed sometimes that, last production, I said to Dennis that I want to quit. I could see in his eyes how sad he turned, but I did all that only because of the fact that I want to be with him. And now I’m here, in the USA, living every single minute with him. I don’t need to hurt myself doing something that I really don’t feel comfortable doing. I told him that I’ll still be there for him and for everything he needs, and also I’ll try to find somebody to replace me. He knows that nobody will do this work with the same responsibility I did because it was my way to be able to love him. Dennis and I had some very hard times doing that. But I never regretted. I did it for him, for us. Here we are again together, in love, and happy.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Friends in my life
This weekend I had this felling that everybody is going to leave teh USA someday, and I’ll be the only one that will stay. Many people are here to make money, work, do the college and go back to Brazil. I’m moved here to stay, even thinking about work in Brazil some time in the future, very far future. Flavia, a friend of mine, left some months ago and I really interacted with her since the first time we met. She is a beautiful girls, white, black hair, smart… She was here to study and now is left to work in Brazil. I’m already missing Flavia so much. She’s from Minas Gerais, a state pretty close to the Rio, and she has the cutest Brazilian accent. I like to imitate and I think she doesn’t mind at all. I remember when I met her at the same day I met most all the people that I consider as a friend now. We spent a day in Sonoma, the wine country in California, and we liked each other at the first minute. Ther is another guys I met and left this country. There is Thereza, I didn’t even have time to meet her enough, but she sure is a good person. She went back to Brazil a few months ago too. The couples Gabi and Pedro are gone as well. They are from Porto Alegre, south Brazil, and they were trying to leave here illegally. Pedro was flying back and for to keep his tourist visa legal and Gabi doesn’t. I don’t know much about them because I didn’t have a chance to meet them well. Pedro went back to Brazil for some reason and somehow the immigration didn’t let him come back. He was deported from the airport. I don’t know for how long they were here but they were a life together. Gabi was destroyed. She packaged her stuff one month later and left. I remember one day before this incident Gabi wrote on her twitter something like “Pedro is coming tomorrow, I’m so excited… just Brazilians understand what that means.” That’s so sad. I’m really afraid, even still legal in this country, about the immigration department knocking my door asking me to leave. I have no idea what to do if one day they say I’m here illegal for now one. I think I will never make it.
Mariana and Amanda are still here. I remember when we went to Santa Helena with them. Santa Helena is another city of California known as the wine country. We went by car and on the way Mari and I talked a lot; she is here for many years and I consider her too much as a good friend. She is graduated in journalism in Brazil, and works in a Brazilian restaurant in Berkeley. She is also Amanda’s roommate. Amanda is just great: good energy, always positive, good friend. We drove by pretty places; the road is actually very enjoyed. When we arrived at Santa Helena we decided to make a picnic on the gardens of the city. What a great moment. We all bought food so we made a huge circle within twenty people. Everybody was there, Amanda, Flavia, Dijaz, Monika, Silvania, Karla… I met some people on that day too. There were some guy playing live music and we all appreciated that. Flavia couldn’t stop talking about the day she’s leaving and I’m still very sad about that. I spend $23 in a bottle of wine that cost $7 in the grouched store.
After that we drove back and my friends and we decided to buy more wine, food, and make a dinner in Silvana’s house. Dennis was too tired and decided to go home. Silvana, or just Sil, is aur pair (I have no idea how to write it, but it’s related to take care of kid’s) and her bosses were traveling. That was a really cool Saturday night. I did something that I really like and missed during these passes days when I’m so busy for everything: to be with my friends, and don’t fell alone in this country. We made Brazilian food and stayed at Sil’s all night long. At the end, we made a toast in occasion of our friendship. Agustina, an Argentinean woman also our friend gave me a ride back home. Agustina is very nice and sweet. Dennis and I sympathized a lot with her.
I went out a lot with my friends in Brazil. Gabi, Roberta, Leo, and I were so close and always going out together. I started being very close to Gabi some years ago, and them Leo starts to be part of our friendship some time later. Every Friday night Gabi’s apartment was our meeting point, and from there we decide where to go. I always arrived in Gabi’s apartment with a bag full of beers and a rose from the rose stand right in front of her building. A little more them one year later Roberta and Gabi start dating. I already knew Roberta, but we aren’t friends. I met Roberta when I was dating a guy called Bado and I was doing too much drugs during those times that I can’t remember so well. Roberta and I became so close and so fast that I think scared Gabi a little. Being honest it scared me too. There is almost no weekend without seeing those guys. We went to parties, sleeps in motel rooms together, helping each other. We’re very close friends, a fantastic time. I felt so sad when I left them and move to the U.S. We reserved a great motel room in Copacabana and made a huge party, just four of us. The when Gabi and Roberta took me to the airport next day. I didn’t cry, I never cried in front of them, but I did cry thinking about them later. Now after this awkward situation happened between the girls and me, I never being so hurt in my life.
Mariana and Amanda are still here. I remember when we went to Santa Helena with them. Santa Helena is another city of California known as the wine country. We went by car and on the way Mari and I talked a lot; she is here for many years and I consider her too much as a good friend. She is graduated in journalism in Brazil, and works in a Brazilian restaurant in Berkeley. She is also Amanda’s roommate. Amanda is just great: good energy, always positive, good friend. We drove by pretty places; the road is actually very enjoyed. When we arrived at Santa Helena we decided to make a picnic on the gardens of the city. What a great moment. We all bought food so we made a huge circle within twenty people. Everybody was there, Amanda, Flavia, Dijaz, Monika, Silvania, Karla… I met some people on that day too. There were some guy playing live music and we all appreciated that. Flavia couldn’t stop talking about the day she’s leaving and I’m still very sad about that. I spend $23 in a bottle of wine that cost $7 in the grouched store.
After that we drove back and my friends and we decided to buy more wine, food, and make a dinner in Silvana’s house. Dennis was too tired and decided to go home. Silvana, or just Sil, is aur pair (I have no idea how to write it, but it’s related to take care of kid’s) and her bosses were traveling. That was a really cool Saturday night. I did something that I really like and missed during these passes days when I’m so busy for everything: to be with my friends, and don’t fell alone in this country. We made Brazilian food and stayed at Sil’s all night long. At the end, we made a toast in occasion of our friendship. Agustina, an Argentinean woman also our friend gave me a ride back home. Agustina is very nice and sweet. Dennis and I sympathized a lot with her.
I went out a lot with my friends in Brazil. Gabi, Roberta, Leo, and I were so close and always going out together. I started being very close to Gabi some years ago, and them Leo starts to be part of our friendship some time later. Every Friday night Gabi’s apartment was our meeting point, and from there we decide where to go. I always arrived in Gabi’s apartment with a bag full of beers and a rose from the rose stand right in front of her building. A little more them one year later Roberta and Gabi start dating. I already knew Roberta, but we aren’t friends. I met Roberta when I was dating a guy called Bado and I was doing too much drugs during those times that I can’t remember so well. Roberta and I became so close and so fast that I think scared Gabi a little. Being honest it scared me too. There is almost no weekend without seeing those guys. We went to parties, sleeps in motel rooms together, helping each other. We’re very close friends, a fantastic time. I felt so sad when I left them and move to the U.S. We reserved a great motel room in Copacabana and made a huge party, just four of us. The when Gabi and Roberta took me to the airport next day. I didn’t cry, I never cried in front of them, but I did cry thinking about them later. Now after this awkward situation happened between the girls and me, I never being so hurt in my life.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)