Between Homeworks and Seizures....

Now I’m feeling busy and very stressed with college, and very sad about our oldest dog Crea, a 12 years old beagle. I just reached the “freezing point” where I can’t do more math problems or think about any problems for today. I admire that kind of people who is able to study “non-stop” for hours and hours… I can’t do that, especially with a sick dog that I love walking sadly around me. My three weeks vacation already passed by and I didn't come back here as I promised to myself. Sorry, I was too busy doing nothing except printing floor plans out of the internet and creating a bender of “future architecture projects,” letting my imagination carrying my focus away to a life too impossible to be experienced in this incarnation. I actually did funny stuff too; I went to the Golden Gate Park with Amanda and we spend a day walking around, I had my fist Manhattan drink, and I went to the SFMOMA by myself to see some exposition. Dennis and I did that travel to Monterrey for a day only, very nice, very simple, very fast. Now it’s time to the reality: Algebra summer classes are too much for a regular human being!

First of all, my book cost $120 dollars used! But them I found another one for $45 on EBay and bought it too, so now I can return the expensive one back to the college’s book store. I have this crazy (in a funny way) Asian teacher called dr. Rick Wing teaching Intermediate Algebra this summer. He is insanely intelligent and extremely fast. Dr. Wing is a very good teacher but we must have to be into what he’s saying and be careful to not step behind his class. I have a test about chapter two of our book tomorrow, and he, believe or not, is already teaching chapter four! I’m not enjoying the way that he has to manage his agenda of tests and I feel that I’m not the only one in class thinking like this. So, today I really felt what an 18 weeks-class compressed in 6 feels like. During the class he asked the class to resolve a few equation of chapter 3.6 and I was doing great until got stuck at the last equation. I decided to erase the whole equation and start over… I resolved it after 5 to 10 minutes trying, but when I looked back to him he was already talking about chapter 4.1! What a hell!? I don’t have time even to think what I’m doing. So now I have homework forever and I’m totally blocked in chapter 3.6. I’ll probably need tutoring tomorrow, since we don’t have time to manage all our doubts in class. Intermediate algebra isn’t that difficult, and the teacher is good… the problem is how fast a math class can be during the summer and the amount of time consumed by the homework. I will think twice before enroll to another math class next summer.

Besides my math problems I have Crea going really bad day by day. After her amazing seizure a couple of months ago, when Dennis and I woke up at 4am with her shaking on the floor, we took her to the vet and she started taking this medicine extremely heavy to stop the seizures, and making her sleep a lot and also a little crazy and very dizzy. Anyway, it stopped the seizures but transformed Crea in a sad looking dog, always sad, slowly, crying and walking with no direction. A few days ago she had another serious seizure that caused more damage in her brain and now she’s worse than never; she got a little blind, and at some moments she seems to be completely blind and start crying. She walks so slowly and powerless and sometimes she can’t support herself and stops, crying. She’s having those “little seizures” and the vet said that it can’t be controlled, and every time she has it, it may cause a little more damage in her brain. I’m seeing her having 5 or 6 a day! She keeping falling in the pond almost daily, she seem lost her memory for a minute or two and forgets where she is. So we can’t let her outside by herself anymore afraid of time when she falls in the deepest area on the pond and can’t swim back to the margin. We can’t let her by herself inside home either because she puppy and pee all over the floor if we don’t command her to go outside. Crea used to be such a happy dog, active, barker, happier, and beautiful. Now it’s even hard to remember those times since the trouble started. Sometimes its difficult to imagine that just passed a few months, because those months with her are being so intense… so sad.
Dennis and I know that brain damage is irreversible, and we know she wont get better… Dennis is having a really bad time with this situation either, more than me of course, because he raised Crea all her life and I just arrive a couple of years ago. I still have hope inside of me and believe that she will at least stop suffering and live the rest of her life quiet and calm, but this idea is fading more and more every day. We already talked about the possibility of putting her to sleep, but something inside me still refuse to think about this possibility. I don’t think I will have courage to take this decision. Dennis has to do it.
So I’m getting sleep now, tomorrow will be a busy day (like the last ones) so it’s better I go to the bed.