How My Rommance Survived for the Last Three Years.

We aren’t waiting for all this water coming from the sky a couple of days ago. Dennis and I forgot the on the deck uncovered during all raining night. I also realized that I never bought an umbrella here. With this rain, nothing better than be inside working all day… what a hell am I saying? I spent all day desiring go to the bed and eat everything I can while watching South Park on the TV. I worked all day, but first I went to the gym. Going to the gym is making me feel better because sometimes I get tired too early and also makes me feel more attractive. Am I with a nice body? Not anymore since I just ate a full package of cookies after work before I start writing this. I sited down here in the office organizing my things for tomorrow. Backpack ready and felling myself terrible after that package of cookies. I can’t believe I did it after lost 3 pounds at the gym last week. I need to stop thinking that after a good work out day I deserve crap food like Jack In The Box or chocolate. The problem is that in this country the fast food is just delicious! Sometimes I can’t resist that.

I work for Dennis’s company called Athletic Model Guild; The Athletic Model Guild, or AMG, was founded by gay pornographer pioneer Bob Mizer in December 1945 her in this country. Mizer began his business by taking pictures of men that he knew, both gay and straight. His subjects would often pose for pictures, which, while ostensibly meant to illustrate fitness tips and the like, were clearly produced and published as homoerotic material. He died in the 90s and Dennis bought the company with its statement in 1994, and start make money coping of those old vintage films in DVD and also publishing Bob Mizer’s photos and history. The Athletic Model Guild also makes gay movies made in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. I started this brand as a way to stay closer to Dennis until I finally get my visa to come here, which took three years. I not a porn star but just somebody who takes care of financial stuff and eBay selling’s. I reconcile accounts, add numbers on the system, take care of some invoices and payments, and also sell old nude photographs on Ebay. I don’t make much money because it’s a very small company and Dennis can’t afford so much. I’m considering myself as an office manager and accounting assistant. The company is in our basement and we work all day at home. It’s nice to work at home sometimes.

This company is responsible for my relationship with Dennis for last years. When Dennis and I felt in love in that Saturday, February 25, 2006, I knew it would be just one more broken heart. He was living in the U.S going to Brazil two times a year and me, a simple young Brazilian, living in Rio de Janeiro waiting for him… it would never work. I just ignored my feeling for while even knowing that Dennis felt the same for me. After that date, we talked on the phone every single night until I finally move here almost two years ago in 2008. He went back to Brazil four months later and there I was, waiting for him. I couldn’t believe myself doing such thing. I found out about the company later, and also the fact that Dennis always dreamed making adult movies there in Brazil. I start suddenly having a great idea to keep us together.

So, when I knew what he did like to make movies in Brazil, I decided to make it happens. I knew some body that worked in straight adult movies and had him to meet Dennis one day. They talked about it and decided to make those movies that Dennis wanted. That was great! But a little less than one year later this whole idea went out of control, the productions wasn’t that good and this guy that I found was overcharging us. Dennis knew that if he had to pay all that money for production, he couldn’t be able to do more than two movies a year in Brazil. My goal was in risk, the only reason I was being part of this was because I wanted Dennis closer. Dennis decided laid off the guy and I had no other choice then study hard this area, find locations, models, going though some negotiations, finding equipments, and also did payments, work sheets and everything I could do for him to spend more time there. As I didn’t charge more that I need, Dennis saved so much money to fly back to Brazil every two months almost. And that’s how we kept our love.

During those three years trying to get a Visa to come to the U.S, our relationship was surviving by porn movies productions. Funny? Hot? No!!! I couldn’t stand anymore. I never really liked to do this work since was difficult and sometimes dangerous. To work with those kind of people request a lot of patience and there are many guys trying to get a vantage on the “rich American”. I felt so disturbed sometimes that, last production, I said to Dennis that I want to quit. I could see in his eyes how sad he turned, but I did all that only because of the fact that I want to be with him. And now I’m here, in the USA, living every single minute with him. I don’t need to hurt myself doing something that I really don’t feel comfortable doing. I told him that I’ll still be there for him and for everything he needs, and also I’ll try to find somebody to replace me. He knows that nobody will do this work with the same responsibility I did because it was my way to be able to love him. Dennis and I had some very hard times doing that. But I never regretted. I did it for him, for us. Here we are again together, in love, and happy.

Friends in my life

This weekend I had this felling that everybody is going to leave teh USA someday, and I’ll be the only one that will stay. Many people are here to make money, work, do the college and go back to Brazil. I’m moved here to stay, even thinking about work in Brazil some time in the future, very far future. Flavia, a friend of mine, left some months ago and I really interacted with her since the first time we met. She is a beautiful girls, white, black hair, smart… She was here to study and now is left to work in Brazil. I’m already missing Flavia so much. She’s from Minas Gerais, a state pretty close to the Rio, and she has the cutest Brazilian accent. I like to imitate and I think she doesn’t mind at all. I remember when I met her at the same day I met most all the people that I consider as a friend now. We spent a day in Sonoma, the wine country in California, and we liked each other at the first minute. Ther is another guys I met and left this country. There is Thereza, I didn’t even have time to meet her enough, but she sure is a good person. She went back to Brazil a few months ago too. The couples Gabi and Pedro are gone as well. They are from Porto Alegre, south Brazil, and they were trying to leave here illegally. Pedro was flying back and for to keep his tourist visa legal and Gabi doesn’t. I don’t know much about them because I didn’t have a chance to meet them well. Pedro went back to Brazil for some reason and somehow the immigration didn’t let him come back. He was deported from the airport. I don’t know for how long they were here but they were a life together. Gabi was destroyed. She packaged her stuff one month later and left. I remember one day before this incident Gabi wrote on her twitter something like “Pedro is coming tomorrow, I’m so excited… just Brazilians understand what that means.” That’s so sad. I’m really afraid, even still legal in this country, about the immigration department knocking my door asking me to leave. I have no idea what to do if one day they say I’m here illegal for now one. I think I will never make it.

Mariana and Amanda are still here. I remember when we went to Santa Helena with them. Santa Helena is another city of California known as the wine country. We went by car and on the way Mari and I talked a lot; she is here for many years and I consider her too much as a good friend. She is graduated in journalism in Brazil, and works in a Brazilian restaurant in Berkeley. She is also Amanda’s roommate. Amanda is just great: good energy, always positive, good friend. We drove by pretty places; the road is actually very enjoyed. When we arrived at Santa Helena we decided to make a picnic on the gardens of the city. What a great moment. We all bought food so we made a huge circle within twenty people. Everybody was there, Amanda, Flavia, Dijaz, Monika, Silvania, Karla… I met some people on that day too. There were some guy playing live music and we all appreciated that. Flavia couldn’t stop talking about the day she’s leaving and I’m still very sad about that. I spend $23 in a bottle of wine that cost $7 in the grouched store.

After that we drove back and my friends and we decided to buy more wine, food, and make a dinner in Silvana’s house. Dennis was too tired and decided to go home. Silvana, or just Sil, is aur pair (I have no idea how to write it, but it’s related to take care of kid’s) and her bosses were traveling. That was a really cool Saturday night. I did something that I really like and missed during these passes days when I’m so busy for everything: to be with my friends, and don’t fell alone in this country. We made Brazilian food and stayed at Sil’s all night long. At the end, we made a toast in occasion of our friendship. Agustina, an Argentinean woman also our friend gave me a ride back home. Agustina is very nice and sweet. Dennis and I sympathized a lot with her.

I went out a lot with my friends in Brazil. Gabi, Roberta, Leo, and I were so close and always going out together. I started being very close to Gabi some years ago, and them Leo starts to be part of our friendship some time later. Every Friday night Gabi’s apartment was our meeting point, and from there we decide where to go. I always arrived in Gabi’s apartment with a bag full of beers and a rose from the rose stand right in front of her building. A little more them one year later Roberta and Gabi start dating. I already knew Roberta, but we aren’t friends. I met Roberta when I was dating a guy called Bado and I was doing too much drugs during those times that I can’t remember so well. Roberta and I became so close and so fast that I think scared Gabi a little. Being honest it scared me too. There is almost no weekend without seeing those guys. We went to parties, sleeps in motel rooms together, helping each other. We’re very close friends, a fantastic time. I felt so sad when I left them and move to the U.S. We reserved a great motel room in Copacabana and made a huge party, just four of us. The when Gabi and Roberta took me to the airport next day. I didn’t cry, I never cried in front of them, but I did cry thinking about them later. Now after this awkward situation happened between the girls and me, I never being so hurt in my life.